Kaden's language, circa week 5

It is easy to forget what his noises might mean in the midst of the hazy fog of early parenting, so it's worthwhile to record what he means when he talks to us. Since Kaden is not quite to smiling age, all of his language is basically expressing dissatisfaction. It is certainly a little grinding that his only communication is negative, but on the flip side any time he is not making noise feels like a triumph. Also, any such noise can be temporarily halted by swaying him up and down or jiggling him.

Whining - this is kind of a "pre-cry" sound, signaling an impending cry if the situation is not remedied. This situation is:

• I have gas (you have 2-4 mins to fix this before escalation)
  
• I am hungry (you have 15-30 seconds)
• I am unhappy with the suction in my nose, or being flooded with saline drops
  

Grunting - just popped up recently, Grunting is usually employed when he is unhappy with something other than gas or being very hungry. While Whining sounds more like a need, Grunting comes off more like a demand. Such demands include:

• I can't breathe. (AKA stuffy nose, see above suction & saline for requisite next step)
  
• You are moving me, and I was comfortable
  
• I can't kick my legs. (Usually due to him pulling his legs out of the feet on a onesie and trapping them in his crotch. Because of this foot issue we now favor "gowns," which I would prefer to be called "manly robes.")
  
• You did a pre-mature swaddle maneuver while I was still too awake to be mummified.
  
• Hold my hands.
  
• I'm feeling unloved and need to be held.
  
• I'm feeling unloved and bored, so I need to be carried around and entertained.
• I am bored again with whatever was previously entertaining me (walking, mobile, geometric patterns, etc).
  
• Stop/Start singing
• Lastly, the super-bonus grunt he started this week is that Kaden grunts loudly a couple of times right before he is done nursing. (Note to precocious newborn readers: grunting into your mother's breast is not the way to endear yourself to your mother)

Screaming - compared to the news in other Dad boot camps, Kaden cries relatively little. Perhaps a couple times a day does he gets into a full roar. These are generally caused by gas, or if his internal feeding timer has gone past about 90 seconds from his first squeak or grunt. Other things Kaden says by screaming:

• I am naked.
  
• I am naked and wet.
  
• I am naked, wet, have soap on me, and people keep moving all my parts in different directions.

Interesting thing missing from this list are diapers being wet. He can pee all over his face, in his pants, leaking onto his outfit until he has a huge stain that probably resembles the Elvis or the Virgin Mary and he seems perfectly comfortable to sit in it until we finally get up enough energy to change him.